No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
