Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
