I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
