11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
