I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
