I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
