the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
