She is in my trunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
