Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My balls are so social today.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
