I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
These tits shall not be calmed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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