Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
