3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
