I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
