You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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