home. puking in laundry basket.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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