I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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