So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
