when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
