Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
