I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
