Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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