I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
