her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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