Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
