Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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