Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
