Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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