First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
