listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
