Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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