I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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