I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
