How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
