Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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