My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
