Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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