My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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