i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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