I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
