Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.