We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
