It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
