So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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