She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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