i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
