I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
