take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My pussy is not your playground.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
