My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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