Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
