a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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