Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
