Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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