So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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