yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize