I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
