Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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