Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
