the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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