he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
