I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
