some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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