probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
