I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
