i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
