this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
