Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
