im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
