I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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