so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
