Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
