I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
