Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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