Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
