The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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