i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
