im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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