well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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