On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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