I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
