All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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