I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
